Rumors have been circulating at the Boston Latin School, a prestigious college-prep school, insisting that bloody vampires live on campus. Ordinarily, faculty members dismiss these rumors or ignore them entirely. However, the headmaster at the Boston Latin School must have taken the rumors seriously, because a notice was issued and distributed to faculty, students, and parents assuring them that the bloodsuckers do not exist.
Eddy Chrispin, a spokesperson for the Boston Police, told reporters that the police were called to the school this week regarding vampires. The reports were unfounded and no vampires or coffins were discovered inside the four hundred year old building.
Instead of gas masks, investigators went inside ab absurdum carrying silver bullets, wooden stakes, sledge hammers, mirrors, crucifixes, and garlic.
It was truly a sight to behold in the 21st Century, over a hundred years since Bram Stoker wrote “Dracula,” while hanging out in a local tavern in Whitby, England, with Oscar Wilde in 1897, discussing sexual prowess and Mary Shelley.
Possibly, the students are headed to Yale, where they can join Skull and Bones?
It makes you wonder who is hiring faculty and headmasters at the school that both Benjamin Franklin and Samuel Adams attended in their youth: