Sunday, April 5, 2009

Man Absconds with the Scampi

A 46-year-old man in Massachusetts, named John "Jimmy the Selkey" Silvera, thought to have a shrimp fetish, has confessed to being a serial shrimp shoplifter. The police arrested him after his last heist at the local Salem Market Basket, where he had already stolen over $500 worth of frozen shrimp.

He assaulted a police officer with the frozen product when he got caught. He also went on a serial rampage for the crustaceans in Methuen, Mass. However, he waived extradition to face charges from a Market Basket there.

Why would anyone steal shrimp? I asked.

Well, during his Mirada reading, Jimmy took the 5th, but sources close to the case say that he is a descendent of a real Selkey, and like in the film “The Secret of Roan Inish,” was using the shrimp to lure the seal maids to his dwelling along the coast, as he was on a humanitarian mission.

News Source

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