Friday, September 11, 2009

ACORN - “Freelance Performing Artists” and the IRS

I thought that I would put humor aside today, to bring you something stupid:

ACORN accused the producers of the video below of capitalizing on yellow journalism. It depicts an ACORN representative, a pimp, and a hooker (two were ringers), of duping the IRS.

The hooker, Kenya, visited the ACORN office in Baltimore and told them that she and the pimp wanted to set up their own business, a brothel in their home. They claimed to be earning $8,000 a month or $96,000 annually. The ACORN representative told them to claim an annual income of only $9,600 with the IRS, listing their occupation as "freelance performing artists."

"It's not dancing, trust me," the pimp said.

That’s OK, you can’t put “chime ringer” on your 1040.


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Wam Bam Put a Cork in It

Police and Firemen were dodging a foray of corks in Wamsutter, Wyoming; yesterday after a cargo truck carrying hundreds of bottles of wine caught fire on a major highway.

"The corks were popping out of the bottles like the old Jiffy Pop (popcorn) we grew up with," a Highway Patrolman said. "My trooper got hit in the arm with one."

The fire was attributed to a locked brake or hub malfunction on the wine truck.
Stumble bums were sopping up the booze in the street like Billy Bob Thornton enjoying passive smoke from a marijuana fire in “Homegrown.”

Old ladies were out buying mulled spices and swinging ladles before the fire crew turned on the hydrants; The ladies auxiliary of the Knights of Columbus were scoffing up the debris for Wine cork trivet projects; and the Where Does it Go? "Envy" film crew showed up to invent still another product.


Monday, September 7, 2009

Stimulus Art

Ronald Koldritsch of Vienna, created this life-sized painting to represent the state of the international economy.

If you stand back and observe it you can interpret it as either a financier, who is confident and optimistic about the future, or one who is anticipating economic disaster and ready to jump.

It could also represent Prince William contemplating marriage and getting flak from the Queen; visiting Edinburgh; staying at Holyroodhouse; and baring his soul to the Archbishop of Canterbury, who will only grant him absolution if he jumps.

No parachute appears anywhere in the image.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Extract: Beware the Sweat Pants – A New Comedy

You probably remember the blockbuster comedy from Mike Judge called “Office Space.”

Peter Gibbons tries to get downsized by "The Bobs," while one of the other office workers, Milton, keeps getting his desk moved until it ends up in the basement. He has been laid off for a few years, but no one told him and he is still on the payroll. Then, he goes postal and sets the company on fire.

I always remember that red stapler for some reason. Especially when I take on new contract writing assignments for three- to four-month projects. Near the end of the each contract, I would call my recruiter and ask if I got an extension or a red stapler.

More often than not, it was an extension, but everyone enjoyed the connotation of the stapler.

Mike Judge just produced another comedy called “Extract.” This one is even funnier, starring Jason Bateman & Ben Affleck. Judge first became famous for “Bevis & Butthead” and its foibles of human behavior.

In “Extract,” Jason Bateman owns a food extract manufacturing company and is in a hilarious endeavor to grow the business, while his wife cuts off his water wearing sweat pants with a draw string. As a result, he finds an admin in the office with a G-string and fights his frustrations with Ben Affleck.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Golden Retriever’s Prayer of Thanks

Someone sent me this photo and prayer in e-mail and I thought that I would share it with you:

“Dear Lord,
Thank you for sending me to Timmy’s house and not Michael Vick’s.”

Michael Vick is back, after signing a $1.6 million, 1 year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles. A second year option is also part of the contract and is worth $5.2 million.

"PETA and millions of decent football fans around the world are disappointed that the Eagles decided to sign a guy who hung dogs from trees. He electrocuted them with jumper cables and held them under water," PETA spokesman, Dan Shannon, said to the Associated Press.

Andy Reid, the Eagles coach, believes that most Eagles fans will accept Vick.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Stimulus and UFOs

While President Barack Obama is inventing weird stimulus packages to pay illegal Aliens, the new First Lady of Japan announced that she not only believes in UFOs, but she has traveled to Venus. OK, so this is not about Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama's sexual prowess. She really claims to have been abducted by aliens.

Read News Article

Her husband, Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama, believes her claim. He equates it to Governor Ronald Reagan of California, who claimed he saw a UFO flying over Bakersfield, CA, and then got elected President. Something like pixie dust?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Free Wings and a Clunker

Things were really frying at the Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant in Ferndale, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit. It was a first date for Terrance Dejuan McCoy and an unknown woman with a Clunker that was worth some cash.

Read News Article

McCoy ordered food for them and left his wallet in his date’s car. He then asked her for the keys. When she gave him the keys, he ran outside without paying and also stole the Clunker.

When caught, McCoy faces a five-year felony.

The couple had only known each other for a week after meeting at the roulette wheel at a local casino.