Sunday, January 4, 2009

Mutilated Monkey Meat - A Federal Offense

If you were born and raised in the Philadelphia area and move into other parts of the country, you often find yourself craving food found only in the place of your birth. There’s Philadelphia soft pretzels, cream cheese, scrapple, cheese steak sandwiches, hoagies, Lancaster Brand treats; and veal from lambs that were sledge hammered at the Italian market; not to mention imported cheeses and olive oil directly from southern Italy to the Philadelphia Food Distribution Center. Yummy!

Native Philadelphians perceive any other cravings as weird.

Apparently, New York Judges feel the same way. On Friday, U.S. District Judge Raymond J. Deanie rejected a plea by a Liberian woman’s lawyer that she smuggled mutilated monkey meat into NY to be consumed for religious and nostalgic reasons.

He didn’t appreciate the delicacy, as he grew up in Brooklyn, NY, and only remembered the “Smell My Feet” song that the kids in his neighborhood sang at Halloween and the association between "trick or treat" and "mutilated monkey meat."

Mamie Manneh, the defendant, can cook and eat fried primate parts, better than Emeril does Creole fried chicken.

She has been arrested and charged with smuggling the monkey meat into the country and will get deportation or five years in prison, if convicted. She should get a Presidential pardon.

No one knows whether she bought the stuff on eBay.

Why should American tax payers have to pay for five years worth of vegetarian meals, or a one-way ticket to Liberia, because this woman likes to eat monkey meat?

I personally believe that our country is so diverse, thanks to Lady Liberty, that it should be mandatory for all NY judges to take a class from Andrew Zimmern, the Food Network writer, chef, and teacher. Then, do something intelligent with our tax dollars.

How would Judge Deanie like to be arrested in Liberia for smuggling in an Original Nathan’s Coney Island hot dog?

Not to mention all the great Liberian restaurants we will never enjoy in the Big Apple, unless they change legislation and we can have FDA approved mutilated monkey meat.


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