Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Scientists Mate Same Sex Polar Bears and Along Came Knut

The folks at Japan’s Kushiro Municipal Zoo tried unsuccessfully to mate two polar bears, but did not realize that they were both female until last week.

Tsuyoshi and Kurumi are the resident bears. Tsuyoshi was identified as a boy three months after she was born and no one bothered to check after that.

Zookeepers and researchers gave all kinds of excuses for trying to make a lesbian out of Tsuyoshi:

1. She was too furry
2. We couldn’t detect a boner, but what do we know?
3. Bears always squat when they pee
4. Manual checks are not practical
5. We were hesitant to anaesthetize Tsuyoshi to make sure
6. Polar bears have outies (navels)

Kurumi was not amused and began to growl the theme song from Yentl. Tsuyoshi jumped ship to find herself within the scheme of things....

In the meantime, Knut, the star polar bear of the Belin zoo is being evicted. Maybe the match making shadchan should know?

Now a fully grown bear weighing some 440 pounds, Knut is the sex symbol of the polar bear community and was born in captivity. His package has already been examined and he's all man.

... and then along came Knut
Tall mean Knut
Slow-walkin' Knut
Slow-talkin' Knut
Along came long, mean, sexy Knut

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