Black Friday and Cyber Monday Indicate Jack

All over the mainstream media, reports are gloomy, indicating that the fraction of a billion dollars that was not spent on this past Black Friday will affect Christmas. However, the real deal, the National Retail Federation (NRF) estimated that people spent an average of $372.57 on Friday, which represents a 7.2% increase over last year. However, it also alluded to the fact that it does not want to bust everyone else’s bubble either - those folks, who are calling for economic doom and gloom.

I guess all the other media analysts are being paid by the Democrats, who want everyone to think things are worse than they actually are and are relying on our new President to leap tall buildings at a single bound in January.

Maybe they all have stock in Prozac?

For as long as I can remember, Black Friday and Cyber Monday never meant Jack Schitt in my house. Those are the days everyone in my family stay away from the shopping Malls, clogged traffic arteries, and shopping cart demolition derbys. The only exception being our teenagers, who like to hang out at the food courts, eating pizza, and watching all the viral shoppers knock each other over like yulefest Weebles to save a yuletide dollar. Occasionally, the kids report back to the house with their Blackberrys that someone took a header out in the parking lot, or some sweet little old lady whacked a kid with a candy cane because she thought he was memorizing her PIN number, so he could treat himself to another beef jerky.

Some industry analysts are also assuming that because the Thanksgiving holiday fell later in November this year, there is one less week to Christmas shop; therefore, ruining Christmas for retailers. More doom and gloom.

Maybe these analysts should be introduced to a few Hare Krishnas?

I don’t know how that could possibly affect my particular gift list, except that I have to buy the same stuff in four weeks instead of five. Actually, I bought a few things earlier, so I have less people to shop for during the next crucial four weeks. I used July/August coupons. Capitol One and the retailers got some of what’s in my wallet a little early. My gift list has not changed because we ate turkey on November 27th this year, because on November 28th I didn’t pull a Scrooge and quick grab a #2 pencil to cross anyone off my list. I always buy cheap gifts. Its an aquired habit. I expect that everyone else’s gift list will also remain the same. All the gifts will be purchased within the time frame left until Christmas, whether purchased at the Mall or online.

Why don’t they poll average Americans?

I tried reaching the North Pole to ask if Santa had indigestion or something from eating turkey on the 27th instead of the 22nd, and maybe moved a bundle of toys to the back burner, but he and the elves were laughing too hard at all the sad sacks in the media.

If you don’t believe me, go to Santa's hometown and see for yourself.