Election 2008 - President-Elect Briefing

Well, it’s the day after the election and President-elect Barack Obama is busy making cabinet appointments. I’m not sure where you should send your resume, but it’s a good bet he’s at his Illinois headquarters.

I’ve gotten used to his youthful black hair over the last few years. That will change real soon, as he begins receiving his top secret classified briefings from intelligence officials today. I’m sure he’ll get prematurely gray just listening to Interpol. They have this top secret web site similar to www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com that only heads of state can access, a chilling study on cyber-terrorism.

Rumor has it that part of the briefing will include SPAM 101 featuring the truth about that chain letter that has been circulating around the U.S. in broken English from some schmuck in Nigeria promising to put $22 million into your bank account if you give out your pin number. Then, there’s intellectual property crime, money laundering (I never could figure that one out. Somebody tried to explain it to me once, but all I could visualize was a little old lady selling Rolex knock-offs on eBay), criminal organizations, financial and high-tech crime, drugs, IT crime, illegal migration, war crimes, environmental crimes, fugitives, corruption, intern deflectors, and “significant cases.” Most of the significance is located on a pirate ship off the coast of China.

Now, most of us believe that a real politician doesn’t need a briefing about corruption, right? Well, the CIA and FBI don’t agree, the President-elect is going to get an intense seminar that covers corruption in every country on the planet, pole-to-Interpol. This will detail the “How to” regarding the estimate by World Bank Institute that says over $1 trillion is paid in bribes every year, not a good way to lower the national debt. Match that up with the names of the payers and the payees and our new President’s head will be spinning by Friday afternoon.

As you already know, we learned all of the above by watching HBO’s The Sopranos. It’s a shame they ended it just as Uncle Junior had his Vincent "The Chin" Gigante routine down to a science.

Of course, the best briefing is shown in the educational video below given at Camp David. It acts as a deterrent “How not to” and also provides an incentive to newly elected Presidents to rehearse every important speech: