Saturday, November 8, 2008

Cloning - Grow Your Own

As Pope Benedict condemned the human organ trade as “abominations,” Japanese scientists are on a roll to up the ante, and have successfully cloned mice that have been already dead for 16 years.

"This is the first time a mammal has been cloned from a sample stored at conditions reasonably close to what might be expected in permafrost," Teruhiko Wakayama, the lead scientist in the Japanese study, said. "It gives some hope for those who might seek to clone extinct species from frozen carcasses."

The immortal Punxsutawney Phil went into a jealous rage when he was passed over in lieu of a mouse for the study. “What’s cheese breath going to do for you in February?” he shouted. Then, he threatened to cause a global ice storm that even Dennis Quaid couldn’t cure. He ranted in expletive Groundhogese for days. Hell hath no fury like a groundhog scored.

Proponents of cloning say that if the Pope wants to see an abomination, he should spend a week in New York City observing specimens in Central Park and the subway system.

Protesters in Austria have threatened to burn down the laboratory that claims to have Hitler’s missing freeze-dried testicle.

Scary rumors are being reported that Michael Jackson plans to freeze his carcass when it dies, as does Rush Limbaugh; Bill O’Reilly; Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; Hugo Chávez; and the Naked Cowboy from Times Square.

An entrepreneur named Scotty Baker, who recently resigned from Miracle-Gro, is starting a cloning franchise operation called “Grow Your Own.” Industry spies are reporting that among the company’s first R&D efforts include a penis farm at a secret undisclosed location near the Amish in Lancaster County, PA.

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