Plowing Naked in Banke Bazaar

The young women of Banke Bazaar, India are plowing the fields naked to embarrass the Weather Gods, so that they will send monsoon rains.

“This is the most trusted social custom in the area and the villagers have vowed to continue this practice until it rains very heavily," a spokesperson said.

The paparazzi, on the other hand, were hoping for a draught, as they were making $1,000 a shot for the Tabloids.

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Naked wonders of all shapes and sizes danced in the fields after sun down and and chanted ancient hymns to invoke the Weather Gods.

Michael Jackson’s Nose Lifted From Morgue

Steven King will love this story, as it is the epitome of macabre.

Someone actually stole Michael Jackson’s prosthetic nose from his surgically mangled face at the LA morgue.

After the theft, all that remained in its place was a small dark hole surrounded by particles of cartilage.

Apparently, Rolling Stone magazine has pictures of the singer’s body on the autopsy table sans nose.

What will happen to the nose?

Probably, there will be a proliferation of prosthetic noses for sale on eBay. Insiders say that already, a factory in Beijing, China, has designed a knock-off mold and is offering to drop-ship the noses to eBay buyers.

The real nose will probably be fenced to a rich collector for $10 million and be displayed in a Thriller Armoir.

Detectives at the LAPD said that Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray, might be a person of interest in the theft.

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Celebrity Groundhog’s Mistress Murdered in New Jersey

Punxsutawney Phil and his girlfriend, Petunia, were enjoying a romp out of state in Boonton, NJ, when the owner barged in with a private investigator and a Hasselblad H3DII-50 camera to catch them in the act.

Apparently, Mrs. Punxsutawney was suspicious when Phil left their home late Sunday evening in search of clover and didn’t return. It is almost hibernation time and she was getting low on roots, bulbs, tubers, and seeds. She sought the help of a private investigator when she found long gray hairs on the alfalfa stash in their tunnel that wasn’t hers.

When confronted in the illicit love nest, Petunia went into a jealous rage and became violent, attacking a local police officer, who was called to the scene. He pepper-sprayed her in the face. Mrs. Punxsutawney reported that Petunia had rabies (which was a bold face lie), and Petunia was euthanized and her remains sent to the state health department for rabies testing.

Members of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club bribed the couple with food to reconcile before hibernation time, so that they can hold the annual Groundhog Day celebration in Pennsylvania next February.

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Naked Cowboy Runs Against Bloomberg in the Big Apple

Today, Robert John Burck II, The Naked Cowboy, will be kicking off his campaign against incumbent, Michael R. Bloomberg, at a press conference in Parsippany, NJ.

His qualifications to run for New York City Mayor include being a resident of the city for over 10 years, evading police, as he prances around improving Times Square, posing for photos with tourists, wearing nothing but his cowboy hat, tighty-whitie Funpals, boots and a big smile. He will offer voters a stimulus plan for small businesses.

Mayor Bloomberg’s platform includes the reactivation of Brooklyn's working waterfront with his "Sunset Park Waterfront Vision Plan." However, he doesn’t plan on prancing around the docks in his jockey shorts and bear market ticker tapes.

Both candidates seem a little bullish.

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“No one knows how to do more with less than yours truly, and that’s the kind of thinking I plan on sharing with my fellow New Yorkers when you elect me,” Burck told the media.



No one knows who will run for Police Commissioner on The Naked Cowboy's ticket, but we are sure that the campaign has already been launched:

Minnesota Man Has Unusual Fetish

Police in Duluth, MN, are seeking a perpetrator, who has been sneaking into gyms and sports facilities to slash exercise balls.

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The man has been on a local wanted list since May 2009. Police know who he is, since he was arrested once before for similar crimes.

The last time he was brought before a magistrate, he told police that “he slashed the rubber balls to satisfy a sexual urge.”

Insiders claim that he is unusually attracted to inflatable exercise devices.

He hired Denny Crane from “Boston Legal” as his attorney when he found out that Denny won a similar case defending a guy, who got off pinching hostas.

Wieners Declare Mutiny

Its barbecue season and hundreds of wieners declared mutiny on an Oscar Mayer truck headed for a wienie roast in Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin. As a result, the truck crashed into the deck and garage of a home, freeing over 1,000 hostages.

After 6 boxes of frozen buttondogs iced the driver, 250 wieners wearing t-shirts hit the streets of Wisconsin with picket signs encouraging people to eat bologna. None of them were arrested for indecent exposure.

“Ban The Foot-Long,” one t-shirt read.

“If you are really in love with us, you’d eat bologna.”

“Grills and Hot Mustard Burn.”

“Oscar Mayer Has a Way With B-O-L-O-G-N-A."

“Hot Dogs Suck.”

“Clog Your Arteries, only $3.00.”

Pianist Pope Benedict XVI Breaks Wrist

Pope Benedict XVI has been on vacation in the tiny village of Les Combes in the Valle d'Aosta region of Italy near the French border for the past week.

He has been relaxing in the Italian Alps and doing his absolute favorite thing – playing classical music on the piano at his chalet.

Yesterday, he fell in his bedroom and broke his wrist. He did hit a sour note while playing Palestrina the evening before, and the neighbors were complaining about the echo.

Vatican sources said that he underwent successful surgery this morning at Umberto Parini hospital.

He was not in much pain, but very disappointed that his piano wrist is out of commission.

Inside sources are not sure if the Pope will be performing a duet with the Archbishop of Canterbury anytime soon.

Two local pianists think they have solved the problem: