MP3 Player is No Superman

It was cold and dangerous in Zurich, Switzerland, when two tourists got lost in the snow covered mountains.

The tourists, two men from France, tried to call for help, but the battery died in their cell phone. The mountain rescue service, Rega, received the initial signal, but it was lost too quickly to pinpoint their exact position, except that it was somewhere near the Savognin resourt in southeast Switzerland.

Gery Baumann, a Rega spokesperson said, "The two winter sports enthusiasts were found by the crew of the Rega helicopter shortly after midnight -- thanks to the faint light of their MP3 player."

The MP3 player was rather modest regarding its heroic part in the rescue effort, and offered its sentiments by playing this tune:


Source: Yahoo News

Safety Deposit “Bernie the Bunny” Box

The label on the box of Annie's Sour Cream & Onion Cheddar Bunnies that Debra Rogoff bought from Whole Foods in Tustin, TX, should have read: organic wheat flour, expeller pressed vegetable oil (safflower and/or sunflower), sour cream and onion seasoning [whey, nonfat milk, onion, sour cream (cream, nonfat milk, cultures), torula yeast, citric acid, garlic, spice], aged white cheddar cheese (pasteurized milk, cultures, salt, non-animal enzymes), yeast extract, salt, onion, yeast, ground celery seed, annatto for natural color; and $10,000.00, because that amount of money was also in the box.

Apparently, an elderly customer, who had lost all faith in financial institutions, stashed her life savings in the “Bernie the Bunny” box. She purchased two boxes of crackers and needed only one, so when she returned one of the boxes to the store, it was the wrong box – the one with the stash. She panicked and returned to the store to retrieve it, but the store had restocked its shelf of Annie's Sour Cream & Onion Cheddar Bunnies and sold the box containing the loot for roughly $3.29.

Meanwhile, after purchasing and opening the box of crackers, the Rogoffs called the police, thinking that the $10,000 might have been part of a drug drop, and they wanted to put the perceived drug cartel out of business.

"We would never feel good about spending it," Rogoff said.

The store manager told the police about the elderly customer, who left her name and telephone number at the Customer Service desk, in case the box was returned; and this story has a happy ending.

The Rogoffs received a free box of Annie's Sour Cream & Onion Cheddar Bunnies; and the elderly customer was advised on how to safely hide money at home in rodent and fire-proof frozen vegetables; cold storage, so to speak. However, this granny had another anti-theft device up her sleeve, as well.


Source Yahoo News

Mysterious Frosty on Steroids

His name is Snowzilla and he mysteriously appeared out of nowhere in the suburbs of Anchorage, Alaska. This 25 foot Frosty has definitely been on anabolic steroids and is causing an otherwise quiet community to experience an unusual amount of traffic and rubber neckers. He picked Billy Powers’ front yard to sit in, ignoring all of the city’s cease-and-desist orders.

In past years, a giant holiday snowman was built by the Powers family, but the community put up such a fuss, fearing that he would lose his head and cause an accident, that the family decided not to build him this year. Instead, somehow, in the middle of the night, a normal 5 foot snowman that was already in the front yard took steroids and grew into this 25 foot giant.

Other theories surfaced that a group of locals, who were drinking holiday moonshine decided to get even with the neighbors and used a quiet fork lift to build him after the bars closed; or that Jack LaLaine went up there and fed the thing some carrot juice.

Anyway, because of the magic under his silk hat, Snowzilla was protected from being hosed down by the fire department when a local ambulance chaser and the Civil Liberties Union came to his defense, just in time.

Today, Snowzilla, just sits there in the Powers' front yard with a “Make my Day” sign positioned right under the City's red injunction stickers.

The $10,000 Snowball Fight

After the Sunday night NY Jets vs. Seattle Seahawks game, where the Jets lost 13-3, damaging New York’s play-off hopes, a terrific snowball fight ensued. Seattle Fans booed and pelted the Jets team members with snowballs as each of them left the field. I’ve heard of sore losers, but I never heard of sore winners, but that’s what they did. NY Jets defensive, Shaun Ellis, couldn't stand it anymore, so he tossed a giant block of snow back at the fans. Consequently, the NFL fined him $10,000.

It was only snow and he didn’t lace the snowball with anything harmful, like an M80 for the few mean-spirited fans, so why the stiff penalty?

The fans, who were jeering and instigated the whole snowball throwing fiasco were not penalized. They all went back to the 49th parallel and honed their snowball throwing skills at Olympic National Park to keep in shape for next year.

A spokesman for the NFL said, "Shaun Ellis was fined $10,000 for tossing a large snow clump in the direction of fans. Players are notified prior to each season that any contact with fans that potentially presents crowd-control issues and risk of injury is prohibited, Players are informed that they must not confront fans at any time on game day and must leave those types of issues to security personnel," added the NFL.

Shaun, next time, hire the Phillies Phanatic to toss the snow. He only charges a C-note and the NFL can't touch him.

Zhu Jianqiang - China’s Sexiest Animal Alive

A pig from Beijing named "Zhu Jianqiang" or "Strong Pig” that survived 36 days buried in the rubble of a 7.9 magnitude earthquake has been voted “favorite animal” in China. However, mainland media sources say that the ordeal has made him fat, lazy and bad-tempered.

I’d like to tell you something exciting like he was buried in the rubble of a prime four-star Sichuan Chinese restaurant in moldy vegetable lo mein, but in reality, the hog, survived only on charcoal and rainwater.

After the vote, the pig "vividly illustrated the spirit of never giving up," a Chinese web poll reported.

“People come from all over to see the pig at its new home in a museum,” one newspaper said, “but it has become increasingly spoiled and ungrateful.”

"It's gotten fatter and lazier by the day," media sources quoted staff of saying. "We used to take it out for a walk every morning and afternoon, but it's too lazy - and too fat - to do it."

The pig is also demonstrating anti-social behavior, after initially being quite friendly.

I suppose that after 36 days on charcoal and water, any animal would be pissed. Zhu Jianqiang probably thought they were all holding out on him.

"Now it just blocks the door to its bedroom when there are too many visitors outside. It's been increasingly difficult for us to convince it to open the door," a spokesperson said.

Other notable animals that were nominated for the vote and scheduled for honorable mention on a Sichuan place mat, include a dog that guarded its owner when the elderly man was sick, and a cat that won’t be in the kettle anytime soon because it almost died of grief when its feline partner was flattened by a Dongfeng Kingland truck.

Here Come the Judge

A Felony Court judge, Nicholas Ford, saw two men breaking into his wife's car and rather than call the police, he decided to take the law into his own hands and chase them down. His wife is District Judge Callie Baird. Two suspects were arrested and are now in custody.

Our super hero, Judge Ford, a former prosecutor, but no Olympic sprinter, told reporters that he had pinned one suspect down on the ground, but the guy managed to push him away and took off.

"I was fully antagonized," Judge Ford said. "I was just chugging. I'm not an elite runner. I thought I was going to have a grabber."

Ford caught up with the man, and police arrived and made an arrest. The second suspect was arrested nearby.

The judge got a first-hand look at the criminal justice system from the victim's standpoint. He was detained in the police station until 2 a.m., but signed an arrest warrant before he left.

No one knew if the car was a typical “come and get me” 2-door rear-wheel drive muscle car with a powerful V8 engine, the engine was running, or the Judge was in full robe for the chase.

Only in Paris - Nude Models March for Respect

The only place on the planet where a group of people can protest in the nude amidst Christmas trees, menorahs, and nativity scenes outside City Hall and not get arrested is Paris.

Today, nude models have taken to the streets of Paris in their work uniforms protesting what they believe is the lack of respect, monetary rewards, and recognition of their craft.

Trust me, it’s not easy marching all goose-bumped to demand compensation for this time-honored aspect of art, but these life models have done it. Currently, models are earning the paltry sum of $10 Euros an hour to pose nude. Most of them are college students and part-time workers trying to make ends meet. The only thing they carry is a fanny pouch of DayQuil, nasal spray, aspirin, and Perrier.

One of the models, Christophe Lemée, told reporters “I will often do nine-hour days you have to be very athletic to do that. Each session is three hours long, divided into 45-minute poses followed by 15 minutes of rest. It’s no easier holding a sitting pose than a standing pose. The weight will always be concentrated on some part of your body. I call it dancing without moving. You need a lot of psychological concentration to cope. You have to learn what your body can and can’t do. I try to swim for an hour in the mornings to keep my body in condition for the poses.”

My reaction to that is digital cameras are more efficient, but then people have a right to work, right? Nude modeling is respectable, Benji did it in “Off the Leash” for a few months and even did a sequel.

None of the folks in the mainstream media were at liberty to photograph the parade. However, in a few days, you will be able to find it on YouTube.

A news reporter met up with one of them to find out that the day job is over in Disneyland, Paris. Like I said, only in Paris can you have the best of both worlds: