In 1995, the Vatican opened its web site www.vatican.va. Now, it is modernizing mass by securing an accord with YouTube for its own channel. Those involved in the initiative include Google, the Vatican Television Center, and Vatican Radio.
The new channel will allow Catholics to see the Pope and attend church events.
A Vatican press conference will be scheduled by Henrique de Castro, who is the managing director of media solutions for Google. It also owns YouTube.
If you log on to the Vatican website, you will first see an “I can beat you in dominoes” board game; then, when you click on the buttons, you get access to about 1000 years of church and papal history.
I snooped around looking for Fibonacci numbers, but couldn't find anything, except for a few suspicious looking characters painted on the outside walls of the Papal Basilica.
The new and imprimatur-approved videos are designed to stifle these by Remi Gaillard:
No one was ignoring the 800-pound gorilla in the room, when the Budapest Zoo performed rare gynecological surgery on Liesel, a 32-year-old female gorilla. It was the first operation of its kind in Hungary and a rarity worldwide.
I still have some unanswered questions about it: How do you knock out a full-grown gorilla and not only that, but how would you get one into the stirrups for a gynecological examination in the first place?
Budapest Zoo spokesman, Zoltan Hanga said that veterinarian doctors successfully carried out the procedure late Thursday, after Liesel was diagnosed with a malignant tumor on her right ovary.
As it turns out, no tumors were found, so much for the stirrups, I didn’t think they could pull that one off anyway.
The lumps must have been the walnuts she ate. I mean, who knows where a gorilla’s ovaries actually are? This is especially important, since Liesel has already given birth to three little gorillas named Dango, Gorka, and Ebobo; and they could have shifted anywhere. Maybe the last mammalian embryo ate them for breakfast.
What do president-elect candidates do in their spare time, just before inauguration day?
They take a factory tour and inspect oversized bolts like the one pictured above and find it interesting, thanking their lucky stars for the free time, as that is all about to change.
President-elect Barack Obama woke up yesterday with nothing on the calendar, so he got on the hook and called Cardinal Fastener & Specialty Company in Bedford, OH. He hadn’t seen many nuts and bolts since he was on the campaign trail. At the time, all the nuts were rooting for the Republicans and the bolts just got bigger, like a good omen, So, Cardinal Fastener gave him a pair of plastic goggles and took him on the grand tour of its factory.
This does sound like something a candidate would normally do during the time between the primary and the election, but our new president is enjoying taking pictures with bolts instead of babies these days. He is probably a bit bored with shaking hands and kissing powder monkeys for a while.
This weekend, Obama plans to take a ceremonial train ride from 30th Street Station in Philadelphia, PA, to Washington D.C., the same route that Abraham Lincoln followed, as he prepares for the inaugural celebration weekend.
In Vilnius, Lithuania the new debt collector is an unconventional candidate named Vilija Lobaciuviene, who practices witchcraft.
If you happen to live in Lithuania and owe back taxes or other debts, there is a voodoo doll at the local town hall with your name on it.
"There are certain people, who are using this crisis situation and refuse to pay back banks or other companies," said Amantas Celkonas, director of the Skolu Isieskojimo Biuras, Lithuania’s debt collecting bureau.
"Our new employee will help them to understand the situation, reconsider what is right and wrong and act accordingly," he said. "We will also help those who are in real trouble, suffering from psychological impact of bankruptcy and depression."
Lobaciuviene, is well known as "Lithuania's leading witch." She is famous for being able to predict the future and cast spells. She uses hypnosis, herbal medicines, and bio-energy, to collect debt.
This is a good reason not to leave any hairs or drops of DNA rich beads of sweat behind, if you get called in to explain a debt. It is my understanding that a witch can conger up a double whammy faster than you can squeeze out an unexpected fart, by using only a single follicle.
Local critics believe that the government has returned to ancient superstitions and are kidding themselves, if they think that hiring a witch will solve their problems.
"This is return to the Dark Ages. If they really believe that this woman may help someone get money back, then there's something very wrong with this country," said newspaper columnist Monika Bonckute.
I have heard of many methods scientists use to track endangered species, including barcoded identification tags and radio transmitters. However, the most ingenious tracking method comes from Bangkok, Thailand, where counting dung pileups provide an accurate count of elephants.
The dung pileup in Malaysia reveals that a total of 631 endangered Asian elephants are living in the Taman Negara National Park.
The dung tally method was developed by the New York-based Wildlife Conservation Society and the Malaysia Department of Wildlife and National Parks. Melvin Gumal, director of the Wildlife Conservation Society's conservation programs in Malaysia said that the result of the study shows Taman Negara to be "one of the great strongholds for Asian elephants in Southeast Asia."
"It is hard to estimate the number of elephants by just looking at them because the rain forest is very lush. The elephants will find you faster than you see them," Gumal said.
No one elaborated on details, such as:
1. Was any type of food coloring used in food, so that if a single elephant left three piles, of say, hot pink, it would only be counted once.
2. Does elephant dung have similar unique characteristics, like finger prints and tire treads, so you can tell which animal left the pile?
3. Can you alter the fragrance of elephant dung with food?
4. Did anyone find the likeness of anyone famous in the dung, like Mahatma Ghandi?
5. Was the recycling team called in to scoop up the counted piles for further scientific research, like manufacturing herbal memory enhancement vitamins?
6. How much does elephant dung weigh wet as opposed to dry?
7. Would Tonto be able to track an elephant by following its dung?
8. Have they ever done DNA analysis on elephant dung?
9. Can it be processed for something other than paper? If so, does it have the same building potential as a tree?
10. Can scientists remove the smell before you buy it?
In Sydney, Australia, a job advertisement in a major newspaper is offering 150,000 Australian dollars ($100,000 US) for an island caretaker. The duties listed include lazing around Australia’s Great Barrier Reef for six months and blogging.
The tourist website’s blog billed it as the “Best Job in the World” and one lucky candidate will spend a lot of time lounging around Hamilton Island and updating the blog. Among the perks are free room and board in an ocean front luxury villa, combing white sand beaches, swimming, and snorkeling.
The job initiative, sponsored by Tourism Whitsundays, is part of a AU$1.7 million project to increase tourism to the area.
Thousands of applications are expected and due by February 22, 2009. The only skills required are creativity and the ability to post photos and videos on a weekly blog. The URL for submitting applications is http://www.islandreefjob.com
I had a similar government job once, except the pay was low and the sandy beaches were sawdust covered warehouse floors; most of the swimming and snorkeling took place under an avalanche of red tape and bureaucracy. The only perk was a tiny renegade mouse named Pepino. Pepino was a trusty scout among his peers and knew the Backplanes of every PC in the office. He and his friends would run around the inside of desks and filing cabinets at night stealing pretzels and trail mix.
Did you ever think that a 107 year old woman would be looking to marry for the first time?
Well, it’s true. In Beijing, China, this week, it was reported that 107 year old Wang Guiying is looking for a centenarian husband.
"I'm already 107 and I still haven't got married," she told the Chongqing Commercial Times. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?"
She has been living with her nephew in Chongqing and has had other nephews and nieces taking care of her, but she worries that they are getting too old, as the youngest is 60 years old already.
Insiders claim that a tip off to how old they are getting is when Wang registered at Victoria's Secret for Sexy Little Things®, and got flannel flap pajamas from her neices.
When asked why she never married before, Wang blamed the domestic abuse in her culture. "Getting married was too frightening," she said of a culture where Chinese women had very few rights and not much social standing. Plus, she likes the natural size of her feet and didn't like the idea of wrapping them and hobbling around until they shrunk down to a perfect size 3, as desired by most Chinese men with foot fetishes.
She moved away from the city when she was young and worked on a farm until she was 74 years old. She retired without a Rand McNally surrounding her navel, wearing a size 6 Nike.
Local officials are helping Wang search for a groom in her age group, because they think old people rock!
Twitter: @rosevalenta Humor columnist.
Welcome to Rosie's Renegade Humor Blog. The word "Renegade" describes it all - seriocomic musings about current events, politics, sports, and humorous happenings from around the world. You know, "Skinny Dipping!"
I attend the bi-annual Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop at the University of Dayton, am one of the directors of the Robert Benchley Society, and the previous Membership Chair of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.
I wrote for a subsidiary of McGraw-Hill for 12 years, as a technical staff writer and freelanced for other industry publications. I took creative writing courses at Delaware Technical College and attended classes at the Philadelphia Improv Theater. Many of my articles are syndicated and have appeared in USA TODAY, Newsday.com, The Courier Post, The Wall Street Journal, and many other publications.
I am available for speaking engagements, please e-mail: ebww2014@comcast.net
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