While you are dining on turkey left-overs, I thought you would enjoy watching this fearless cat go bronco riding on a Roomba vacuum cleaner made by iRobot of Massachusetts.
Vacuum phobias probably have something to do with who's in the drivers seat; not that I'm accusing this cat of being a control freak or anything, but it did not manifest any of the usual fright, fight, or flight responses to the vacuum.
Now, if this little kitty can take the bull by the horns and conquer its fear of vacuums, there is hope for everyone. I just recently located the on/off switch on my Hoover. Over 1.5 million people have already watched this video on YouTube and it is taking the Internet by storm.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Cristiano Ronaldo’s Magic Nike Pro Ultimate Shirt
Cristiano Ronaldo is an all star Portuguese footballer, who plays as a wringer for the English Premier League club, Manchester United, and the Portuguese National Team. On November 15, 2008, Ronaldo scored his 100th and 101st goals in all competitions for Manchester United in a 5–0 win over the Stoke City Team from England.
After one of the games, Portuguese winger Kit man, Albert Morgan, wondering if there was some magic in Ronaldo’s Nike Pro Ultimate team shirt; put on the shirt and let loose on the court.
As you can see from the video, he scored 9 continuous volleys off the cross bar – a Cristiano Ronaldo trademark.
After one of the games, Portuguese winger Kit man, Albert Morgan, wondering if there was some magic in Ronaldo’s Nike Pro Ultimate team shirt; put on the shirt and let loose on the court.
As you can see from the video, he scored 9 continuous volleys off the cross bar – a Cristiano Ronaldo trademark.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Ozzy Osbourne in “Make Yourself Heard”
Modern technology can solve most of our problems, as the Leo Burnett Chicago Agency assumed when they hired famous rock star, Ozzy Osbourne, to make a video commercial for the Samsung Propel multimedia smartphone. I’m not sure if the reality TV show he starred in proved that he can spell, but they hired him anyway. We never got to see the results of his text-centric messages. Hopefully, the words had more than four letters in them. Use your imagination.
When I first saw this video, it reminded me of a typical work day. First dragging your ass out of bed in the morning and finding that the kids have already used up all the hot water, taking a cold shower, getting coffee at Starbucks, then arriving at the office to schedule that first meeting thinking - don’t come to my office, I’m not awake yet you’d be better off trying to communicate with a pit bull. Never mind the eloquent speaking, you are grouchy and miserable, and need a shrink.
If you can spell, but are not worth a plug nickel, the Propel can be one way to make yourself heard, which is the video commercial’s theme. The phone provides instant text messaging, which can get you out of a jam.
Credits for the Samsung Propel commercial from MJZ Production Company: Will Perry, Bob Price, Colin Selikow, Craig Gillespie, Lisa Margulia, Line Postmyr, and Carlos Lowenstein. Its sheer genius!
When I first saw this video, it reminded me of a typical work day. First dragging your ass out of bed in the morning and finding that the kids have already used up all the hot water, taking a cold shower, getting coffee at Starbucks, then arriving at the office to schedule that first meeting thinking - don’t come to my office, I’m not awake yet you’d be better off trying to communicate with a pit bull. Never mind the eloquent speaking, you are grouchy and miserable, and need a shrink.
If you can spell, but are not worth a plug nickel, the Propel can be one way to make yourself heard, which is the video commercial’s theme. The phone provides instant text messaging, which can get you out of a jam.
Credits for the Samsung Propel commercial from MJZ Production Company: Will Perry, Bob Price, Colin Selikow, Craig Gillespie, Lisa Margulia, Line Postmyr, and Carlos Lowenstein. Its sheer genius!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Secret Service Code Names: Cheeseburger Pepsi
Friends of the first children have divulged what the girls think of their Secret Service guards, whom they have given code names: Cheeseburger and Pepsi (a.k.a. Domo Arigato Mr. Robato).
Cheeseburger is short and stout and often comes to work smelling like garlic. He used to guard people in the Witness Protection Program, so he grew accustomed to Italian food. He's not someone you could dress up in a Santa suit and get away with it; the nose would fit in, but all the chicken pox cicatrices wouldn't.
Pepsi is a bit robotic – stoic with no personality. He even smells like the inside of a new car. He has never been seen doing anything human, like eating or going to the bathroom. The girls like to hum the song “Domo Arigato Mr. Robato” when he walks into a room.
“Pepsi is like the Queen of England, if he ever smiled it would crack his face. It’s like having the Grinch looking over your shoulder all the time.” One of the friends said. "Plus, Cheeseburger ruined a perfectly good game of Monopoly the other night when he absconded with the canon piece ”R” was using to get to the Boardwalk. Pepsi just sat there, eyes focused straight ahead. You could have held a mirror under his nose to determine if he was still alive and breathing."
Bedtime stories?
Forgetaboutit! Cheeseburger thinks “Cinderella” is a cryptogram; he was muttering something about Gus Gus being an illegal alien, and he drives the children crazy trying to read between the lines in all of the Dr. Seuss books. He thinks Dr. Seuss was a foreign agent and wants to blacklist his books from the house. The girls tried to convince him that no one was going to try to feed them green eggs and ham, but he is relentless. Again, Pepsi just sat there, eyes glazed over, saying "Tiggers do not like honey" over and over again.
The girls have also given their parents’ Secret Service guards code names: Geronimo and Cochise, but promise that they will end their respective tours of duty with both of their scalps.
They prefer the real deal, "Captain Underpants Bloopers and Troopers" and the Blues Brothers.
Cheeseburger is short and stout and often comes to work smelling like garlic. He used to guard people in the Witness Protection Program, so he grew accustomed to Italian food. He's not someone you could dress up in a Santa suit and get away with it; the nose would fit in, but all the chicken pox cicatrices wouldn't.
Pepsi is a bit robotic – stoic with no personality. He even smells like the inside of a new car. He has never been seen doing anything human, like eating or going to the bathroom. The girls like to hum the song “Domo Arigato Mr. Robato” when he walks into a room.
“Pepsi is like the Queen of England, if he ever smiled it would crack his face. It’s like having the Grinch looking over your shoulder all the time.” One of the friends said. "Plus, Cheeseburger ruined a perfectly good game of Monopoly the other night when he absconded with the canon piece ”R” was using to get to the Boardwalk. Pepsi just sat there, eyes focused straight ahead. You could have held a mirror under his nose to determine if he was still alive and breathing."
Bedtime stories?
Forgetaboutit! Cheeseburger thinks “Cinderella” is a cryptogram; he was muttering something about Gus Gus being an illegal alien, and he drives the children crazy trying to read between the lines in all of the Dr. Seuss books. He thinks Dr. Seuss was a foreign agent and wants to blacklist his books from the house. The girls tried to convince him that no one was going to try to feed them green eggs and ham, but he is relentless. Again, Pepsi just sat there, eyes glazed over, saying "Tiggers do not like honey" over and over again.
The girls have also given their parents’ Secret Service guards code names: Geronimo and Cochise, but promise that they will end their respective tours of duty with both of their scalps.
They prefer the real deal, "Captain Underpants Bloopers and Troopers" and the Blues Brothers.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Hard Economy - The 7-Day Sex Challenge
Everyone has been wondering what to do for entertainment now that the economy is down the tubes and people have to tighten their budgets. Leave it to a religious group to come up with a solution.
This Sunday, the Rev. Edward Young, founder of the nondenominational Fellowship Church in Dallas, TX, says he will challenge his married congregants to 7 consecutive days of sex. He will also practice what he preaches.
(His wife was seen buying a Jack Lalanne 10091 Power Juicer and loading up on vitamins and Viagra at the local pharmacy.)
"God says sex should be between a married man and a woman," he said. I’m not misquoting the pastor here. Maybe he meant to say a married man and woman, but then one could get off on a technicality.
"I think it's one of the greatest things you can do for your kids because so goes the marriage, so goes the family," he added.
Pastor Young is fed up with the way American society promotes promiscuity and he is doing this to reclaim sex for married couples. He has 20,000 congregants all champing at the bit to meet the challenge.
“Sex should be a nurturing, spiritual act that strengthens marriages,” he said.
As of this writing, no one has approached Pastor Young asking to produce a reality TV show, based on his theory.
Earlier this year, a St. Pete Beach, Florida, pastor conducted a 30-day sex challenge. I checked online at all the local human health service reports and found no evidence of post-sex trauma, burnout, heart attacks, or unusual instances of traumatic stress disorder.
This Sunday, the Rev. Edward Young, founder of the nondenominational Fellowship Church in Dallas, TX, says he will challenge his married congregants to 7 consecutive days of sex. He will also practice what he preaches.
(His wife was seen buying a Jack Lalanne 10091 Power Juicer and loading up on vitamins and Viagra at the local pharmacy.)
"God says sex should be between a married man and a woman," he said. I’m not misquoting the pastor here. Maybe he meant to say a married man and woman, but then one could get off on a technicality.
"I think it's one of the greatest things you can do for your kids because so goes the marriage, so goes the family," he added.
Pastor Young is fed up with the way American society promotes promiscuity and he is doing this to reclaim sex for married couples. He has 20,000 congregants all champing at the bit to meet the challenge.
“Sex should be a nurturing, spiritual act that strengthens marriages,” he said.
As of this writing, no one has approached Pastor Young asking to produce a reality TV show, based on his theory.
Earlier this year, a St. Pete Beach, Florida, pastor conducted a 30-day sex challenge. I checked online at all the local human health service reports and found no evidence of post-sex trauma, burnout, heart attacks, or unusual instances of traumatic stress disorder.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Economic Conditions - Career Moves
When I woke up this morning, I had this letter in my inbox from my fellow writer, Elvira Justice, from Saxis, VA. I've known her for many years. She writes travel brochures on her Commodore 64 and sells them to tourists. Not many tourists go to Saxis, so she supplements her income at Perdue Farms:
As a struggling writer, my creativity needs to be stifled by a 9-to-5 day job until I can get my best work published, so I decided to apply for a job up your way, in Center City Philadelphia.
I've spent many years on the Eastern Shore, where the living is easy and about 30 years behind the times. Starting salaries go back even further, probably to prohibition. In order for a woman to venture outside the home to earn a living in good old boy country (you remember, the same guys, who hold divorce court out in the woodshed with a shotgun; and he gets to keep the designer Captain Kangaroo outfit), she has several choices at $5 an hour, about two at $10, and must be able to walk on water for anything higher.
A friend suggested that if I wanted a better job than cleaning stables, plucking chickens, or joining the illegal alien crop picking crew, I needed to head north to a metro area. So, I went to the job interview in Center City Philadelphia.
(Remembering your favorite "walking through a stable" line, I went over to Chincoteague Island, took my shoes off, and walked through some pony shit first, for good luck.)
Everything seemed to go well, except that as I left the interview, I found that they have this automated parking garage where a voice like something out of "2001 Space Odyssey" emulates from the fee machine and says "please-place-ticket-into-the-slot-with-the-bar-code-up-and-to-the-right, yada yada." You are then prompted to put money in the machine, and it gives you change.
The parking fee alone was probably more than the scrap metal value of the old restored police car I am driving, you remember it, the Ford LTD with the knackered oil rings, but the trade-off is a filthy rich salary of $12.50 an hour.
Then the robot voice says "please-take-your-receipted-ticket-with you-to-leave-at-the-gate." I guess they should actually stress the fact that you absolutely won't leave without the canceled ticket and maybe not even then.
At the exit gate, the one that holds the steel arm across the exit, another robot voice tells you to put the receipted ticket into the slot, "please-place-your-canceled-ticket-into-the-slot-with-the-bar-code-up-and-to-the-right, yada yada," only this time, the machine was broken and I had to sit and listen to the ticket robot go off the deep-end until a live attendant came over to let me out (thank God for humans). The robot sounded like a good candidate for tossing a commode in "One Flew Over The Coo-Coo's Nest." I came to the conclusion that we are really not yet ready for this technology. I just sat there; feeling intimidated humming "Amazing Grace."
Interestingly, neither of the two smiling social worker managers standing in line ahead of me had to wait to get their pimp mobiles out on the street. Maybe they already know how to make ticket slugs?
Next, I went over to the Reading Terminal Market and ate something. I was 5 minutes too late for Italian pork on a steak roll, so I went to the Israeli place and got potato pancakes with sour cream. It is very interesting to sit in a busy public place in the city and observe nuns and the Amish walking side-by-side down the isle in the produce department with ladies of the evening, who are also spending their earnings on tomatoes and cherry peppers.
God bless America!
Working in Philadelphia will definately inspire creativity and marketable material. Something to write home about, yes?
As a struggling writer, my creativity needs to be stifled by a 9-to-5 day job until I can get my best work published, so I decided to apply for a job up your way, in Center City Philadelphia.
I've spent many years on the Eastern Shore, where the living is easy and about 30 years behind the times. Starting salaries go back even further, probably to prohibition. In order for a woman to venture outside the home to earn a living in good old boy country (you remember, the same guys, who hold divorce court out in the woodshed with a shotgun; and he gets to keep the designer Captain Kangaroo outfit), she has several choices at $5 an hour, about two at $10, and must be able to walk on water for anything higher.
A friend suggested that if I wanted a better job than cleaning stables, plucking chickens, or joining the illegal alien crop picking crew, I needed to head north to a metro area. So, I went to the job interview in Center City Philadelphia.
(Remembering your favorite "walking through a stable" line, I went over to Chincoteague Island, took my shoes off, and walked through some pony shit first, for good luck.)
Everything seemed to go well, except that as I left the interview, I found that they have this automated parking garage where a voice like something out of "2001 Space Odyssey" emulates from the fee machine and says "please-place-ticket-into-the-slot-with-the-bar-code-up-and-to-the-right, yada yada." You are then prompted to put money in the machine, and it gives you change.
The parking fee alone was probably more than the scrap metal value of the old restored police car I am driving, you remember it, the Ford LTD with the knackered oil rings, but the trade-off is a filthy rich salary of $12.50 an hour.
Then the robot voice says "please-take-your-receipted-ticket-with you-to-leave-at-the-gate." I guess they should actually stress the fact that you absolutely won't leave without the canceled ticket and maybe not even then.
At the exit gate, the one that holds the steel arm across the exit, another robot voice tells you to put the receipted ticket into the slot, "please-place-your-canceled-ticket-into-the-slot-with-the-bar-code-up-and-to-the-right, yada yada," only this time, the machine was broken and I had to sit and listen to the ticket robot go off the deep-end until a live attendant came over to let me out (thank God for humans). The robot sounded like a good candidate for tossing a commode in "One Flew Over The Coo-Coo's Nest." I came to the conclusion that we are really not yet ready for this technology. I just sat there; feeling intimidated humming "Amazing Grace."
Interestingly, neither of the two smiling social worker managers standing in line ahead of me had to wait to get their pimp mobiles out on the street. Maybe they already know how to make ticket slugs?
Next, I went over to the Reading Terminal Market and ate something. I was 5 minutes too late for Italian pork on a steak roll, so I went to the Israeli place and got potato pancakes with sour cream. It is very interesting to sit in a busy public place in the city and observe nuns and the Amish walking side-by-side down the isle in the produce department with ladies of the evening, who are also spending their earnings on tomatoes and cherry peppers.
God bless America!
Working in Philadelphia will definately inspire creativity and marketable material. Something to write home about, yes?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
American Rhetoric - Coming Together or Pulling Together?
The expression “coming together” has made its way into American rhetoric like no other in the history of our planet. It is more popular among politicians, being incorporated into political speeches like the Mata Hari-ism that it is, than any other group. Some examples include:
“… It is also a coming together, much the way women come together every day in every country.” Hillary Rodham Clinton, Beijing, 1995.
“…these African police have come together on a project of importance, a project that seeks to deal with criminality in our region.” INTERPOL President Jackie Selebi, Arusha, Tanzania, July 11, 2007.
“…the assumption that the wealthy care nothing for the poor and that the poor don't vote, the assumption that African-Americans can't support the white candidate, whites can't support the African-American candidate, blacks and Latinos cannot come together.” President-elect Barack Obama, SC, February 2008.
“… the only reason we stand here tonight is because men and women from both of our nations came together to work, and struggle, and sacrifice for that better life.” John McCain, Berlin, July 24, 2008
“We must come together to save the planet” President-elect Barack Obama, Berlin, July 25, 2008.
"Later this week, Barack Obama and John McCain will come together to debate a president’s most important responsibility: how to keep Americans safe and America secure.” Joseph R. Biden, September 24, 2008.
“I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises…” John McCain, Concession speech, November 4, 2008.
What’s up with this “coming together” business anyway, can’t you just visualize a whole auditorium of people practicing Kegel exercises, saying "YES!"?
I suppose that the expression “pulling together” could catch on a zipper and get even worse, but coming together is becoming an annoying habit and an irritating art of persuasion, don’t you think?
“… It is also a coming together, much the way women come together every day in every country.” Hillary Rodham Clinton, Beijing, 1995.
“…these African police have come together on a project of importance, a project that seeks to deal with criminality in our region.” INTERPOL President Jackie Selebi, Arusha, Tanzania, July 11, 2007.
“…the assumption that the wealthy care nothing for the poor and that the poor don't vote, the assumption that African-Americans can't support the white candidate, whites can't support the African-American candidate, blacks and Latinos cannot come together.” President-elect Barack Obama, SC, February 2008.
“… the only reason we stand here tonight is because men and women from both of our nations came together to work, and struggle, and sacrifice for that better life.” John McCain, Berlin, July 24, 2008
“We must come together to save the planet” President-elect Barack Obama, Berlin, July 25, 2008.
"Later this week, Barack Obama and John McCain will come together to debate a president’s most important responsibility: how to keep Americans safe and America secure.” Joseph R. Biden, September 24, 2008.
“I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises…” John McCain, Concession speech, November 4, 2008.
What’s up with this “coming together” business anyway, can’t you just visualize a whole auditorium of people practicing Kegel exercises, saying "YES!"?
I suppose that the expression “pulling together” could catch on a zipper and get even worse, but coming together is becoming an annoying habit and an irritating art of persuasion, don’t you think?
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