Saturday, August 7, 2010

‘The Plan’ According to Uncle Harry

This morning, I was craving apple fritters with cinnamon. I made extra because I knew the aroma was going to travel across the back yard into Uncle Harry’s window. His apartment is way too close to my kitchen and he can’t resist the smell of apple fritters. He knocked first, and brought his own brown sugar.

He had a copy of The Times and was chuckling about an article regarding Glenn Beck and “The Plan.”

Apparently, the source of his amusement was the fact that Beck has been telling people that God has given him some inside scoop on a master plan.

Read news article

“In my generation, at his age, we didn’t question any plan,” he said. “You woke up in the morning, ate breakfast, took out the garbage, and went to work. Recyclables were invented later, by man.”

“Yeah, well the media has to sell corn flakes,” I responded. “If they didn’t question a plan or something political, they’d be off-the-air.”

“Every Christian I know, understands that we have all been saved already. Two thousand years later and they think it didn’t take the first time?” He asked. “Beck should just chill about God and stick to politics.”

“If he did that,” I said, “We’d have Obama getting impeached for being a communist because he read Woodrow Wilson’s book ‘On Being Human.”

“I think God would have to direct him to the 11th Commandment, you know, the text that didn’t wrap on Moses’ stone ‘Mind Thy Own Business.’ It’s His plan, who’s Beck? There are only two things I know of that can make you go blind - locking yourself in the bathroom ...”

“OK, don’t get nasty.” I said.

“Well, honey, I don’t need the news media trying to instruct me about God any more than I’d listen to a Putin interpretation of my civil liberties. They all have some insidious motive.”

“OK, so don’t listen,” I said. “Eat your fritters.”

Harry smiled and ate some fritters, while still reading the article shaking his head.

A few minutes later, he asked “How long do you think before he begins telling people he is the incarnation of Edgar Cayce and starts his own research and enlightenment association?”

“I’m going to burn the next batch, if you don’t start reading something else,” I said. “He thinks he’s doing us a favor. You know we’re not supposed to think for ourselves. For that, we need marketers, high technology, and FoxNews.”


Marti said... fritters!

Glenn Beck is always good for a laugh - he's like a gift to humorists! Great piece!

cappy said...

Rose ... Anybody who loves apple fritters and thinks Beck is a blowhard is someone I want to meet! Go Uncle Harry, Go!