Monday, August 24, 2015

Monday Monologue

by Rose A. Valenta

I woke up with a zit this morning, so I sprayed a little Windex on it and put on some clothes for a streak-free selfie. Then, I opened the paper and turned to “Politics.” Everyone is fighting, but Bill and Obama went to Martha’s Vineyard for a round of golf. I'm not sure, but I suspect that was about a Presidential Pardon for Hillary.

It reminds me of an Abraham Lincoln Quote "No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens."

The skinny as follows:

Hillary Clinton aides have clipped a copy of her Miranda Rights to her "Media Relations" folder so she won't get caught off-guard again.

The Democrats are pulling their hair out. Finding potential Democratic candidates who can beat the GOP is like studying the sex life of the extinct Sumatran rhino. So far, it's 17-3 or maybe 2 1/2.

Just to give you an idea on what to expect from the GOP, Ted Cruz told a reporter that his favorite book is "Green Eggs and Ham."

Trump admitted he "donated" to politicians for "favors" in front of 24 million viewers. Since when is graft legal in the U.S.?

The Trump administration repealed NAFTA and Oreos are now an endangered species.

Everyone thought Trump was doing a rope-a-dope maneuver in Alabama with his “greatness.” Muhammad Ali even called him offering his speech writer.

Lindsey Graham says if he is elected president, he will have a “rotating first lady." Hillary says she has the most experience.

A lady in New Jersey died leaving explicit instructions for her obituary “In lieu of flowers, please don't vote for Hillary Clinton.” You gotta love those Jersey girls.

After all the announcements about her emails, including the FBI, Hillary is still running. I guess we're all supposed to be content with Bill picking the Energizer bunny as his personal secretary in the White House.

Hillary is no role model for most of us. Women know that given the same set of moccasins, we'd have jumped off the Tappan Zee Bridge by now.

When asked why she refuses to answer media questions, Hillary said she answered every one of their questions on Snapchat.

Donald Trump has his team of experts determining if Bobby Jindal is an anchor baby and should be disqualified from the race.

Amazon employees took their gripes to the New York Times, but Jeff Bezos turned down an offer from the Discovery channel for a reality show "Amazon: The Dirt."

Things got so tense, I Googled "Toxic shock syndrome" and Rush Limbaugh's radio station Dittohead came up in the results.

© 2010-2015, Valenta, All rights reserved.

To read my column Skinny Dipping click here

To buy my book “Sitting on Cold Porcelain” click here

No comments: