There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow
Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name.
~ P.F. Sloan and S. Barri
A spy swap took place in NYC yesterday; it was the biggest bust since Peter Sellers' escapades in “The Mouse That Roared.”
On Monday, 10 Russian spies were brought into night court in Miami, FL. One-by-one, they caved and confessed. A defense attorney couldn’t figure out why they gave each other up so easily. Then, he peeked under the defense table and saw The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay with a Black and Decker ball buster enjoying himself.
Judge Ito questioned each of the U.S. Defendents, who were hiding here under assumed names working odd jobs, and blending in with American society. One gentleman blended in so well that he kept forgetting to call his Russian contact, but kept sitting in Dairy Queen every day enjoying the blizzards. He also forgot exactly what he was supposed to be reporting to his contact.
The 10 U.S. defendants were captured sometime during the July 4th holiday and were found to have false passports, secret code words, fake names, invisible ink, and Little Orphan Annie decoder rings.
White House chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, told reporters that the 10 were being deported in exchange for a few Americans that were arrested for spying in Moscow.
In Russia, the Kremlin said that President Dmitry Medvedev sent a YouTube video to the White House showing an American spy downing shots and spilling his guts on Russian TV. He had also been caught painting "Kilroy Was Here" signs in the St. Petersburg subway.
The U.S. Department of Justice had enough when two of the Russian spies became famous on Facebook: Anna Chapman for indecent exposure, and Igor Sutyagin for selling Fabergé egg knock-offs. They sent the Kremlin a YouTube video of their spies demonstrating gross stupidity.
Upon being deported in night court, the spies were flown to NYC where the exchange took place. The Russians were last seen stumbling off a plane in Vienna on Thursday. The stewardess had served each of them about twenty shots of Double Cross Vodka.