Monday, October 18, 2010

Don't Drink the Kool-Aid

Current events have been both interesting and enlightening. Last week, someone posted a note on Facebook stating that the automobile manufacturers are now using female dummies, as well as male, to test crash vehicles. They are considering installing cams in the steering column, so that if you hit something at 25 mph, you will engage the air bag and get a nanosecond mammogram when your boobs smash up against the wheel.

The Cadillac Escalade made headlines again. I think I might buy one. Not only can it withstand a swedish beating with a five iron and a fire hydrant, without seriously injuring the driver; but it can also safely go over a cliff. While most of us would be dead if we drove our SUV off a cliff, former NFL linebacker, Junior Seau, who drives an Escalade, is now writing a new psychological thriller called "Oops I Crapped My Pants."

Within the last few days, a British judge refused to dismiss a plagiarism lawsuit against best-selling author J.K. Rowling. Supporters say her accusers speak in Parseltongue and are part of an ongoing smear campaign by Nearly Headless Nick (suffering from an identity crisis), who swore under oath that he used to be The Canterville Ghost.

A few days before that, foreman, Luis Urzua, rose to the surface to the cheers of "Chi! Chi! Chi! Le! Le! Le!" It was a long, drawn-out rescue. They could have thrown a rope down there and let the Chilean miners out right away; but, they took a few weeks to build a 924-pound, red, white and blue rescue capsule; line the drill hole with sheet metal; and conduct preliminary dry-runs. It reminded me of a Miracle Max quote "You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles."

Psycho, Mel Gibson, will be making a cameo appearance in the new movie sequel, "The Hangover 2." They wouldn’t give him a mic for any length of time to run his mouth, so they cast him as a tattoo artist.

On the political front, FoxNews is still scaring the crap out of everyone; but in these hard economic times, you have to sign up for Bill O’Reilly’s “Premier Service” or Glenn Beck’s “INSIDER Extreme” to find out all the gory details. The way they tell it, Michael Myers is alive and well on Capitol Hill being sustained by Barney Frank’s boyfriend.

Oh, yes, just in case Glenn Beck was out in the mid-west looking for acreage to establish a commune, remember - don't drink the Kool-Aid!

2 comments:

energywriter said...

Hilarious, Rose!! I'm still giggling.

Rose A. Valenta said...

Wait till you hear about The Naked Cowboy running for president :))

Well, hey, they elected Bonzo.