The Aye of the Needle

by Rose A. Valenta

While everyone is anticipating the coming election, both sides agree on one thing - America is spending too much money. Our incumbent has been on a spree like 100 drunken sailors hitting the Big Apple, and Romney’s mattress is actually made from remnants of faded US currency and chinchilla. So, what can we expect, right?

Just as an example, the US State Department Rewards for Justice Program this week offered $7 million for information leading to the capture of Ahmed Abdi Aw-Mohamed or Mukhtar Abu Zubeir, founder and commander of the terrorist group al-Shabaab; $5 million for Fuad Mohamed Khalaf, an al Qaeda fund raiser; and similar bounties totaling $33 million US dollars in Somalia.

The terrorists retaliated by placing a bounty of 10 camels for information of the whereabouts of President Barack Obama and two camels for information on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. I’m not sure what their offer was for Rush Limbaugh.

A camel only costs $700 in Somalia. Go figure!

I was going to write a letter to Heloise because my Congressman is not even worth two cents, but I decided to figure this out myself.

Just then, Uncle Harry came leaping into my kitchen wearing a safari hat and a sheet. He was wild-eyed and had a wad of cash. He was also carrying an African travel brochure and immunization schedule.

“You ready?” he asked.

“For what?”

“I just sent a letter off to Patriot Voices; they are trying to recruit 1 million members. I offered to go to Africa and raise camels for the US State Department, so we can speak their language in terms of bounties. I figure 15 camels for Ahmed Abdi Aw-Mohamed’s butt could actually work.”

“What did they say?”

“They thanked me for joining.”

“You know, Betty White is recruiting for her show Off Their Rockers you might try auditioning.”