Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Mastering Elephant Smuggling

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.” Alexander Woollcott

While we in America are voting Republican to send a message to Washington during the mid-term elections, the government in India has a more pressing problem – smuggling.

Over 92 elephants have been smuggled in India. Elephants are religious icons there.

How does one smuggle an elephant?

Don’t ask me. I couldn’t even smuggle a tiny silver medal of St. Christopher past customs at Rome Airport. I am just as amazed as I was when David Copperfield lost one of our icons, the Statue of Liberty in New York, for a half-hour.

Elephants are a status symbol in India, equivalent to an American owning an estate with an in-ground pool and a Lamborghini roaming your property with a driver ready to take you anywhere you choose.

Read the news article about elephants

While our department of Homeland Security did not get involved when Copperfield disguised Lady Liberty, the Indian government not only had to get involved with elephant smuggling, but the Chief of Homeland Security in Uttar Pradesh also tried to overcome a language barrier while communicating its predicament with INTERPOL.

INTERPOL, the CIA, and the FBI are still baffled by what he said. Evidently, he has learned a lesson from Janet Napolitano, "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with..." well, in this case, elephant dung.

If you see a large brown round object on the street in Times Square, don't walk through it bare footed.

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