Thursday, March 4, 2010

I Blame Frosty the Inappropriate Snowman

"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." ~ Erma Bombeck.

Our society is so screwed up that former Manhattan Madam, Kristin Davis, can run for Governor of NY State; and 25 miles away in Rahway, NJ, they want to put clothes on a snow rendition of the Venus de Milo.

I kid you not. Read the news article: “New Jersey Family Asked to Cover Up Nude Snow Woman”

I knew it would come to this. I blame Frosty the Inappropriate Snowman and his talk of a porn collection for “How I Met Your Mother” - thanks a lot CBS.

I haven't been lately, do they hand out blindfolds for kids under 12 years old at art museums in NJ?

The Venus de Milo, presumably by Alexandros of Antioch, is one of the most famous works of art. This ancient Greek sculpture has been in existence since about 100 BC. She is the Goddess of love and beauty and looks a bit like Dimitris Diamantidis, if he had gynecomastia, except she's taller and can't play basketball. When Alexandros unveiled her, did the locals run to the authorities and ask that her mighty marble bosoms be covered? Did they break both of her arms, put her away in storage until the shock effect wore off, and historians never told us?

If someone on 5th Avenue in NYC had created this snow woman, she would have gained national attention and been featured on all the morning talk shows. The artist would have been interviewed by USA TODAY. Venus could have run for governor of NY on the Objectivist Party ticket. However, her sleeping habits would not be Tabloid fodder and she would not qualify to be among Frosty’s porn collection.

How can a geographical area of 25 miles make such a cultural difference?

Insiders tell me that when Rahway, NJ, police were summoned to the scene of the naked snow woman, after all the officers and the dispatcher finished laughing, they had two reports ready to be filed, depending on the propensity of the angry crowd at the crime scene:

1. The resident complied with police orders and put a bra and sarong on the naked lady.
2. The complainant is a moron, unappreciative of fine art; can we lock this guy up?

Unfortunately, Venus got clothes, while Davis got P squared on her gubernatorial platform, and 15,000 signatures of endorsement.

I would have opted for Number two. This is temporary insanity, snow melts. Fox5 News shot this video; Frosty, who was ultimately responsible for putting some people's minds in the gutter, was unavailable for comment:

1 comment:

Marti said...

Great story - thanks for sharing!